Using Facebook Groups for Dummies

Right before moving to the UAE, I discovered my first Facebook Group. It was a group made up of others who were moving to Abu Dhabi to teach, and after reading the first post, my daughter joked that I had found the mother ship. It was a post asking if a personal pleasure device would be confiscated at customs. Mind you, it was one post with about 150 comments. It was not 150 separate posts asking the same question. 

Unfortunately I discovered shortly before my flight that teachers are wrong and there is such a thing as a dumb question. A dumb question on a Facebook Group is the one that is asked by a person who has not looked at the previous 7 posts ASKING THE SAME &%^#$ QUESTION. A couple of weeks before my enlightenment, our recruiter had held a Webinar in which, in addition to a multitude of other things including a lesson on how to use Google (very prophetic in hindsight), we were given an address to use for our luggage tags. The day I flew out, not one but FIVE posts in a row asked, “What is the address I should use for my luggage tags?” I answered the first couple, and then I ate some Pez. 

Pez: the word that will live in infamy. This is a cautionary tale about what you post on FB. In my case, I don’t care but others might. As we were all trying to assure that we would locate the people from our group during flights and transfers, some Texans decided to tie yellow bandanas on their carry-ons. Me? I stated, truthfully, that I would be the brunette in the black and white polka dot dress popping Xanax from a Pez dispenser. Pez became the go-to word for those “mother’s little helpers”. Months later I read a post on the group referring to drinking a Pez milkshake after a particularly trying day. 

I digress, but those of you who know me are used to that. Oh, and if you know me you are dying to know the answer to the question addressed in the first paragraph. The answer is no, as long as you hide it very carefully. You cannot, however, get it replaced here if you should accidentally kill it. There is a rumor of a store in Dubai, but since I haven’t heard it at 31 Flavors, I’m not sure the store really exists. 

Being as I left the employ of the employer who originally brought me here and being as I still live in the country, I found myself as the administrator of a Facebook Group started for the purpose of helping those leaving the aforementioned employer to navigate the ever changing mess that is the exit process. That group is the cause of today’s (or actually yesterday’s) rant. 

This is now my second year adminning this group. In order to help those joining the group, I pinned (or had a minion pin as I have no internet and could post but not pin from my cell) a post about the four most important things to remember when exiting. When one joins a new group, especially one that contains information, one should read the existing posts. One should also search keywords in previous posts. This is really not that difficult to do. There is a little magnifying glass for just this purpose. Wow!

A group is not your OWN PERSONAL GOOGLE. Having people post questions that were answered in the PINNED post is not only annoying, it makes it so that those who know how to utilize the informative nature of the group have to read through irrelevant trash to get to the posts that answer their questions. Unfortunately it also makes those who don’t read the responses think that the question about a clearance letter that does not exist really means that there is an extra clearance letter that must be obtained. In case you are reading this and are ensconced in the exit process: THERE IS NO BANK CLEARANCE LETTER. Shall I comment it as the answer to another 41 posts before you get that? 

When we were children, our parents told us that the stove was hot and not to touch it. I, for one, did not touch the stove. I have to wonder how many people actually had to get burnt before realizing that their parents were, in fact, correct. From where I am sitting today, I seriously think the number of people who burnt their hands as children is way higher than I ever suspected. Our parents were not making a polite suggestion, nor were they making it up because it was how they got revenge on you for waking up in the middle of the night last night and interrupting them. They told you that because THAT SHIT IS HOT. 

Therefore when I state that your bank account is going to be frozen if you do not cancel your credit accounts and pay them in full now (back in March), I am not making a polite suggestion. There was no Facebook Group dedicated to making my life easier in July 2012 and my damned account got frozen though I had a zero balance on the credit card. The freeze was lifted 30 days later while I was in the US, not a problem since I was returning to the UAE but as most don’t return…….when I tell you not to leave until you have your cash in your hands, it is not a polite suggestion.

If you knew me, you would know I am seldom polite and when I make a suggestion it is likely to be anatomically impossible. 

Oh, and I am still waiting for my Smurfette Pez dispenser.