When Your Body Betrays You

OK, so I have a love-hate relationship with food and exercise. I am an emotional eater. I always have been, and probably always will be. It’s like that, and that’s the way it is. Sorry, just channeling my inner Run D.M.C. In the months leading up to both divorces, I gained weight. After the separations, I lost it. In the year leading up to my son’s 6 week vacation at Hampton (aka the Pink Bubble House), I hit maximum density.  He moved out, I bought a treadmill, and within 6 months I was back into a size 8. There I stayed for 3 years. 

Cut to March of 2009, when “the problem” started.  One day I realized my jeans were TIGHT.  I jacked up my routine and a month later my jeans were still too tight. While this was going on, there were other random symptoms going on that had taken me to several doctors only to get absolutely no answer. Cut to October of 2010 when I finally ended up at the office of a Reproductive Endocrinologist because nobody else could figure it out. After ultrasounds and several hours of blood work that ruined my Saturday, I finally got an answer: I have an adrenal enzyme imbalance.  Some meds fixed MOST of the symptoms. 

I have a hyperactive immune system. In a “normal” person, the body gets an infection and the immune system attacks the invader and then…khallas. Simply put, my immune system is like a kid with ADHD, it doesn’t know when to stop. If scientists could figure out how to transplant T-cells, I could cure AIDS. While that sounds like a good thing, it is NOT. Once the invader is gone, my immune system continues to attack. When I was in High School, Strep Throat caused my immune system to attack my lymphatic system. When I was pregnant with my son, a trip to Cancun and a case of Shigella caused my immune system to attack my digestive system.  Exposure to Fifth’s Disease when I was teaching elementary school caused it to attack my joints. There are several theories as to why it went after my adrenal gland but….simply put, I have no metabolism. 30 minutes every day on the treadmill got me nowhere this time.  

Not liking the way my jeans looked, giving up was simply not an option. I hired a personal trainer last month. Let’s call him “The Demon”. Tuesday he declared war on my hamstrings and I called him much worse.  I also voluntarily turn myself into a pretzel once a week at Yoga. The good news: several  people commented last week that my jeans were looking better. Maybe I won't smack The Demon upside the head with the 5 pound weights after all.

Maternity Leave

Like I said in a previous post, I seriously think there is something in the water here. The number of teachers getting pregnant is staggering. There are so many babies due in August that this building will be stroller central when I return from summer break. I have to say I would not have a baby in a country where I cannot get a Percocet for anything short of a severed limb.  No matter which way the baby comes out, and I’ve done both, having a baby requires Percocet.  LOTS.  

Don’t jump to the conclusion that birth control is not available here. It is. I just walk in and talk to my favorite pharmacist and walk out with Yasmin. No prescription. $10 US. Condoms are readily available and I know of one LT who had a little Oops and was able to get Plan B. Without a prescription.  

In New Jersey, teachers do not pay into State Disability so if they want to get paid while on maternity leave, they stock up their sick days or pay for private disability insurance. No district has paid maternity leave, though   they do allow up to 2 school years of unpaid leave for the birth of a child.  If you are in any profession other than teaching, you can collect state disability for up to 10 weeks for a regular delivery and 16 weeks for a Caesarean.  Of course it’s not enough to pay your insurance premiums while you’re out, but…..

Here, the teachers get 2 months of fully paid maternity leave.  Whoa. Hold up. Maybe I should consider having more kids. Oh yeah, that would involve getting married. Yet again. NOT. To those of us from the U.S., 2 months fully paid sounds fan-freaking-tastic.  They also get nursing hours after they return to work. So, if you have a Nanny, she can bring the baby to work OR you can drive home to nurse.  This sounds so much better than locking yourself in a back room in the library to pump. Some schools even have on-site child care. With the entire guidance department at my school very pregnant, I think that may happen at my school soon. 

As I learned when one of the British teachers decided to leave because of the UNACCEPTABLE maternity leave policy here in Abu Dhabi……they have awesome Maternity Leave in Britain. They get one year fully paid leave and a second year at half salary. Wallah. While those of us from the US find the maternity leave here to be more than expected, the teachers from Britain are understandably perturbed. 

Hmmmm….maybe I should take a teaching job in Britain and then have a baby?

Rent? Lease? Purchase?

When I first landed in Abu Dhabi in August of 2011 I had absolutely no intention of driving here. When I was placed at a school located at 4^th and 25^th, it seemed that was going to be reality. My apartment is located at 4^th and 31^st. Unfortunately, the 2^nd day of school I was informed, via email, that I was being transferred to a school more than 20 miles away. I needed a car within 24 hours. Thus began my adventure in the “Car Zone”.

Rentals: You can rent a new or used vehicle in Abu Dhabi easily and inexpensively. There are published deals for ADEC teachers. Prices and mileage limits vary. My first rental was a used American car that was costly but included unlimited mileage. Considering my 100km lost tour of Abu Dhabi my first day driving, this was a good thing. When it happened again my second day driving, I finally bought a GPS. I rented that car for a month and it was enough to convince me that I did not want to purchase a used American car here. It was only 2 years old and had a boatload of electrical issues. I started searching for a lease right away but ended up renting a Brand New (199km) Toyota Yaris for 1700 dirhams a month ($463). The experiences of several teachers who rented used and Japanese convinced me I did not want to purchase one of them either. 

Leasing: I looked into a 2 year lease on a 2012 Nissan Tiida before deciding to rent the Yaris. The Tiida was 1650 dirhams a month ($450) and included free service and insurance. BUT considering I could turn in a rental during the times I was out of the country and save money, the lease did not make sense. 

Purchasing:  After 6 months with the Yaris, I decided it was time to stop pissing away money and purchase a car. In Abu Dhabi, since so many expats do what I have referred to before as the “Midnight Run”, used car loans do not exist. You can get a new car loan with no problem.  In order to finance a used car, you must get a personal loan. The one bank I spoke to required that I transfer my accounts to them and have my pay direct deposited there. Not a problem until I found out their charge for international transfers was almost triple what I am paying at my current bank. Since I have college tuition, student loans, storage fees, and car insurance to pay in the states, transfers happen monthly and this was not an option. The next bank, Citibank, had all of my documents when suddenly they decided not to give loans to ADEC teachers anymore. So I moved onto Bank #3. The interest rate was ridiculous and there is a pre-payment penalty. NOT. There is also the “Eat Ramen for 2 Months” option. In this option, the car dealer holds a 2 month interest free loan, during which time the car is not titled to you. Essentially you pay cash, but half now and half next month. I will not be eating for 2 months beginning on or about March 15. BUT I will be driving a beautiful blue 2000 BMW 318Ci that we suspect has the only manual transmission in the entire Emirate. I will be rocking the roundabouts!! 

I get to shift!!!

On Babies and Arabish

When in Rome……everyone has heard this saying. Here, obviously, it is “When in Abu Dhabi…”  It happens to all of us.  After ripping one long skirt (can’t show the ankles at school you know) and having another one spend the day creeping up my waist, I bought some Abayas.  It costs $3 a piece to get them picked up, dry cleaned, and delivered by a really cure guy AND it saves me time in the morning. I throw on a pair of shorts or leggings and a tank top then pull on the abaya and roll. Coming home is the same: I pull off the abaya, drink a pot of coffee, and head to the gym.  NO, I do not wear a Shayla. I CANNOT stand having anything on my head. Except my sunglasses.  That’s only because it keeps me from losing them or sitting on them. 

Nowhere is the old adage about Rome truer than in the towers where we are experiencing a population explosion of sorts.  The western teachers are joining their Arabic counterparts and getting pregnant by the dozens!! The number of babies expected between May and August is staggering. Soon the building will be teeming with nannies! Now me, I would take a pass on having a baby in a country where you have to severe a limb to get a Percocet. Wallah! There were 2 different pregnant women in the pool at various times during my workout yesterday. There is no way I am ever getting in that pool. Maybe that’s where the babies are coming from!! 

As the months have gone by, we have also seen an outbreak of Arabish. This is when one speaks English with random Arabic words thrown in. Obviously, they have to be used correctly. You do it occasionally to get your students attention and then it becomes second nature.  Teaching High Schools girls as I do, they enjoy teaching me new words.  They, however, did not enjoy it so much when the principal showed up in my 11-4 class to yell at me for sending 4 girls out to get a “test I forgot”. As I was explaining that they walked out without permission and that their make-up test was in my bag……and she wasn’t listening….I looked at the girls in question……and screamed “Cathaba”. Even the principal took a step back and blinked. It was very effective!! 

Common Arabic words used in Arabish:

Wallah: (I swear to Allah/God)

cathaba: (liar)

khallas: (finished, done, over)  or as I use it: STFU

zanuba:(bathroom shoes, i.e. flip flops)

hamam: (bathroom)

habla: (teacher)

haram: (unclean)

shukran: (thank-you)

afwan: (you’re welcome)

la: (no)  I have a tendency to start singing lalalalalalalalalala

mafi mashcala:(no problem)

jazza saeeda: (happy weekend)

Taxes

Several months ago, after seeing pictures of my new apartment, a friend of mine went on a rant about the UAE government paying for my apartment by gouging the U.S. public on gas. Whoa!! I do admit that I pay less than half of what I paid for gas in New Jersey, the state with the lowest gas prices, but take a look at the big picture here!!

In New Jersey, I paid $75 for a carton of Marlboro Light 100’s. The same cigarettes cost me $20 a carton here. A used BMW that would cost me $12000 in the U.S. is costing me $6000 here. What do cars, cigarettes, and gas all have in common? THE UNITED STATES TAXES THEM TO FREAKING DEATH!!!!

It’s not that the Gulf countries are charging the U.S. too much…it’s that the U.S. is charging YOU too much.

The same 42” LG Plasma TV that would cost a little less than $600 in the U.S. costs $100 less here. Yes, I finally got a TV. No cable yet….but I can plug my laptop in and watch CBS.com on the large screen! It cost me less than $5000 to furnish a 2 bedroom apartment complete with appliances AND I have 2 king beds and 3 sofas. Where were these things made? The same place they would be if I bought them in the U.S. 

The next time you get pissed off at the pumps; put the blame where it belongs….the U.S. government!!!

Medical Care (NOT) in Abu Dhabi

Those of you who think the US will be better off with Obama-Care, think again. I have seen what quasi-socialized medicine looks like and it SUCKS!! The teachers who are here from Canada, the UK, and Australia swear medical care is better here than there….scary thought! You get what you pay for.

We get 15 full days and 7 half days of sick time here. That sounds like a lot…NOT! You have to have a doctor’s note that also has to be stamped by the Health Ministry. So taking a “Mental Health Day” is not as relaxing as it should be. Unless you want to take an unpaid day, in which case you can skip jumping through the hoops. 

My first experience with a Doctor began when I woke up one morning in October with my feet, hands, and eyelids swollen. This is not something that I am unfamiliar with. It means that I have an infection somewhere. It’s usually strep throat or sinusitis. No biggie. Give me some antibiotics and I’m on my way.  Oh no, not this doctor. He sees the word Lupus on my records from the US and decides to bang my back! Well, duh, I jump; he decides I have Lupus Nephritis and orders an ultrasound. When the ultrasound comes back clean, he writes me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and writes the diagnosis as “muscle spasm”. WTF? Whatever…I go to the pharmacy to fill the prescription for the NSAID even though I take an NSAID daily that is way stronger and he had a listing of my current meds. You can’t have too many meds around, right? The pharmacist pulls it out, puts it on the counter, and goes to do his paperwork thing.  It has the word potassium on the label. WHOA! I can’t take this. Duh, little problem with an interaction with another med that I take. He substitutes another NSAID and mumbles about dumb doctors. The next day I decide to take an unpaid day and throw myself on the mercy of the pharmacist at Carrefour. Her words, “Doctors here no good! I know more. You know more! I fix you up!” I walked out with my antibiotic and the next day: all better!

Unfortunately I had to go back to Dr. Kevorkian when I woke up with a sinus infection and bronchitis in November. The bronchitis, no problem, he concurred. Sinus infection, NOT. Why? Because he banged on my face with a hammer and I didn’t jump. Seriously? What year is this? Either way, he was giving me my antibiotics so I didn’t care what he wrote on the stupid paper. But when I tried to get 120mg Sudafed from him…damn…you would have thought I was asking for Cocaine. “No, you cannot take, bad for heart.” I gave up and went on a search.  You CANNOT get straight up Sudafed here, in any dosage. I found 30mg with 500mg of Tylenol…nope, take 4 of them and I’m begging for liver damage. I found 30 mg with 200 mg of Ibuprofen…..nope, asking for a hole in my stomach. The lesser of the 2 evils? I went for the hole in my stomach with a Nexium chaser.  Carrefour Pharmacist lady concurred. Two weeks later when my upper teeth and ears were killing me because the sinusitis was not cleared? Off on a search for Prednisone. Yup, day two and I was feeling much better. I didn’t sleep for 2 days but…..sleep is overrated anyway!

One friend here went into anaphylaxis from something she ate. Another friend nailed her with an Epi-Pen and took her to the Emergency Room covered in head to toe hives. She was given a shot of Benadryl and a prescription for Allegra. Hives= Prednisone. Any first year nursing student knows this. My poor friend Melissa fell at Hard Rock Café. She was rocking just a little too hard! She was taken to the Emergency Room and diagnosed with a broken foot. She was given a shot of Ibuprofen and a prescription for Tylenol!!! Broken bone=Percocet/Vicodin. Even better, 3 days later, she was told the X-ray had been misread. It wasn’t broken after all. Since this wasn’t a doctor, she decided to go back again later. It WAS broken! I can’t make this crap up. 

Top of the list of things Lauren brought for me: PEZ. Lots of Pez.

Grocery Shopping UAE Style

First off, they are not grocery stores or supermarkets here, they are hypermarkets. You have NO idea how appropriate that is unless you have been to one on a Thursday or Friday night. That’s a mistake you don’t make twice. Where I live there are 3 nearby choices: Carrefour, Abu Dhabi Cooperative Society, or Lulu’s. I am absolutely convinced that the parking garage at Carrefour is where all collision claims in Abu Dhabi originate. I avoid it. The Co-op is right across the street from my apartment so if I have ONE thing that I forgot, it’s convenient to walk there. Forget driving. There is no parking garage or lot. It is sometimes a one way street and sometimes a two way street, depending on what the person with the biggest vehicle there at the time has decided. People double park there regularly. They handle this by leaving their cell number in the windshield. The third choice is Lulu’s. That is located in Mushriff Mall and involves parking in a parking garage and then traveling 3 escalators.  I opt for Lulu’s.

"Look Ma, No Hands" The down escalator at Ikea.

The carts are the best! Since you have to use escalators to get in and out, they have wheels that lock. This however, makes them roll sideways down the aisles while you are trying to shop. Since Friday is the holy day here, I shop early Friday afternoon. The place is comparably quiet to the nighttime when it becomes a free for all. People here do not just politely nod and say “Hi” to acquaintances here. You must stop and talk. In the aisle. For a LONG time. Additionally, they take the entire family grocery shopping. This means ALL of the kids and nannies. Shopping on a Thursday or Friday night can only be compared to Best Buy on Black Friday. 

Since no grocery store here is truly convenient and they are all trying to get business away from the others, there are always giveaways going on. For every 100 dirhams ($36) you spend, you get a raffle ticket. Still haven’t won anything. This month Lulu’s is giving away 1,000,000 dirhams to one lucky winner and forty 25,000 dirham shopping vouchers. That would be 70 weeks of free shopping for me!! Woo-hoo. Last month’s BMW would have been better. The Co-op is giving away Mini Coopers.  

Grocery stores do not sell over the counter medications or contact lens solution. Those items you have to go to a separate pharmacy for. Unfortunately the one near the Co-Op has better prices than the one near Lulu’s, but the pharmacist at the one near Carrefour can be convinced to sell me pretty much anything without a prescription. She agrees that between the two of us, we know more than all of the doctors in Abu Dhabi. I have witnessed nothing to convince me otherwise.  

Next blog: Beverly rants about medical care in the UAE.